The MELODY Page

“It’s always a five-days-a-week sort of ritual, I guess. First, I have to get up out of bed at 5:30 in the morning. Second, I whip up a giant bowl of oats to gorge down for breakfast. Finally, I comb my hair, get dressed and walk the long and winding road to my dreaded high school. Rinse and repeat. I don’t like riding the bus because everyone coughs, sneezes and do all sorts of stupid stuff… even the bus driver who got reprimanded for not stopping at railroad crossings. Oh, well… life as a student has its usual ups and downs, just like everyone else.”

“I have to arrive early because I’m the DJ of a top-secret underground radio station in the basement. Yes, believe it or not, the school board approved an FCC license to play hits for 45 minutes over the intercom just before the first period bell rings. Brain fuel before the big payback: seven periods of instructional torture. It’s not something like Mozart that’s being heard all over the place… what the kids really like are all those one-hit wonders like The Buggles and such and such. Actually, I did play Milli Vanilli only once. But I really thought Tony Orlando & Dawn might have worked since it’s great background filler for studying — well, too bad we didn’t get approval to play it.”

“If only I played this oldie but goodie, then everyone would have gotten better grades…”

“English class is bad enough. Every day it’s all about Shakespeare and pop quizzes and all that. Every day it’s always about my desk. It makes too many squeaky noises whenever I squirm around in my seat and Miss Rowland is the one who keeps trying to discipline me for my actions, thinking I stepped on Ernie’s rubber ducky. Aargh!!! I feel so mad right now I could just take my seat and toss it out the hallway!”

“And sometimes, having to sit through a lecture about Hamlet is really enough to set off the trigger. It’s a false alarm and not a music video shoot. Like, every Monday, some brat whose nickname is ‘Flame’ keeps on instigating panic in the English hallway by setting off the fire alarm on purpose just before the third period bell rings. He’ll be wearing the Scarlet Letter when he walks out of the principal’s office. Let’s give him an ‘S’ for suspension!”

“Lunch period is no better. I get a Hungry-Man type of platter — a salisbury steak with tater tots and greens — and the custodial staff doesn’t even bother to fire up the temperature to make my food warm. Tonight, I’m writing my grievances to city council, the health department, and the superintendent of the school board! I hope they listen to me.”

“My dear classmate Yolanda from trigonometry needed to borrow a number-two pencil. I told her my red pencil was number one. I also told her there’s no such thing as a number-one pencil, so she took the green number-two pencil instead. Red is my number one color anyway, and it’s a number-two pencil.

“I was made a Prime Example in P.E. class today. Mr. Brass told us we were gonna do hoops. He really meant basketball, not hulahoops. He’d also penalize me for dressing out in the wrong clothes. To him, pink ain’t pretty, only blue and white is.

“Even worse, my history teacher (and ex-Marine) Mr. Ainsworth thought I couldn’t come up with the right facts to write a paper about an important event in American history: the War Of 1944. When he asked me about the role Schultz played, he thought I was watching reruns of ‘Hogan’s Heroes’ as factual evidence, so I sat in a chair wearing a dunce hat in front of everybody. How humiliating!”

“Here I am sitting here at study hall doing nothing but flipping pages of my literature textbook. If Miss Rowland can hold this good girl captive in her room for two periods a day, what gives? I wanted to please her with an apple because I’m a good student… honestly! But I assume she’s gonna toss it in the trash because food isn’t allowed in the classroom. On the other hand, she hides Folgers inside her cabinet, and I can smell it! Gross!”

“We’re finally dismissed for the whole dreaded day, and I caught up with the love of my life Rick. So I put my singing skills of Bernadette Peters to the test in order to convince him to go out with me on a dinner date tonight. Well, you can’t say that I tried.”

“It was time to head back home after a long day, but I needed to make an appointment with a fortune teller. Hopefully, she knows what the future may bring…

“Ha ha! Today was report card day! It’s the middle of the school year, I’m still alive and definitely not in danger of failing grade. I gyped the gypsy! And now I’m totally out thirty bucks!”

“Hey, I like listening to Herman’s Hermits! The Beatles alternative, quite naturally…“

All Drawings Created By J. ATWOOD. ©️2026.

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